[It was in fact Jack that was infinitely more charming than his quadropedic counterpart. Whereas Babe was imagining himself taking the first steps on the Moon for all oxkind, Jack was being his normal self. Which meant, of course, being fantastic. For instance, Jack was wearing nothing but an ordinary pair of blue jeans and a T-Shirt that said 'Sexy' on it. His shirt told no lies, though. Because Jack fit into his clothes in much the same way a god fit into a toga. His posture was perfect and not a single hair was askew, save for the ones that were supposed to be. Even his stubble was a perfect amount to make him look rugged, but far from gross. The sunlight seemed to brighten in their spot of the woods merely by his presence.

His hair shimmered.]

First, forget the blue pig. I know more about youth than you three combined. Endeavor your hearts out, but all I see are three clowns practicing the loudest Yoga I've ever seen.